Domestic violence myths

MYTH: Domestic violence is only a family problem.
FACT: Although domestic violence is often viewed in terms of individual families, it has a significant impact on a variety of social problems. For example, domestic violence may lead to alcoholism, drug abuse, juvenile delinquency, runaway children and suicide. Businesses lose money each year due to absenteeism and medical costs resulting from abuse.

MYTH: Regret and remorse from a batterer indicate the batterer has changed.
FACT: Batterers may feel remorseful after acts of violence. However, the presence of these feelings is not indicative of change. They may even be sensitive and loving in an attempt to regain the abused person's trust. However, there is no guarantee the abuser will not become violent again. In fact, after the period of calm, the cycle of violence often repeats itself.

MYTH: A person who is battered can always "just leave."
FACT: There are often major economic, social and emotional factors that make it extremely difficult for an abused person to leave his or her partner. For example, economic and emotional dependence, fear of reprisal, lack of access to help, social isolation, shame or wanting to stay together for the sake of the children are some of the many factors that may prevent an abused person from leaving a violent relationship.

MYTH: People who are abused provoke the violence.
FACT: Batterers are never forced to abuse anyone. There is no action or speech that justifies harmful physical retaliation. In response to outside stressors or internal triggers, abusers often choose "safe" targets for their anger, such as spouses, partners or children. Many abusers are careful to escape detection by inflicting injury in spots that aren't often seen or can be covered with clothing.

MYTH: Domestic violence exists only in minority populations and lower economic classes.
FACT: Domestic violence occurs in families from all social, racial, economic, educational and religious backgrounds, as well as urban, rural and suburban communities. Battered women from lower economic classes may be overrepresented in statistical data because they are more likely to seek services from public agencies. Women from middle and upper economic groups, on the other hand, are more likely to seek services from private agencies.

MYTH: Battering is only a momentary loss of temper.
FACT: As described above, battering is part of a pattern of behavior used to gain and maintain control of someone else. The abuser strives to establish control and fear in the relationship. The abuser often uses violence and a series of other behaviors (including intimidation, threats, psychological abuse and isolation) to coerce and control the other person. The violence may be hidden and infrequent, but it often remains in the back of the abused person's mind as a constant, underlying, terrifying possibility.

MYTH: Alcohol and drug abuse cause domestic violence.
FACT: Because many batterers also abuse alcohol and drugs, it's easy to conclude a link between the two. Substance abuse does increase the lethal potential of violence and provides an opportunity for batterers to avoid responsibility for their actions, but drugs and alcohol are not to blame for domestic violence. Although it's a step in the right direction, successful completion of a drug or alcohol treatment program does not guarantee an end to abusive behavior. Domestic violence and substance abuse are two different problems and should be treated equally. Although sobriety or abstinence on the perpetrator's part may be necessary, it is not enough to end domestic violence on its own.