Divorce

Overview
Sadly, about 40 to 60 percent of all first marriages in the United States end in divorce. Common factors behind divorce include alcoholism, substance abuse, physical abuse, infidelity, financial issues, poor communication and differences in parenting, religion and family values.
Divorce rates typically climb during times of prosperity. Likewise, divorce rates often decline during times of economic hardship. Statistics suggest that divorce is most likely to occur around the fourth year of marriage, or when one or both spouses are between ages 25 and 29. Divorce can happen anytime, however.

Although everyone has his or her own time frame, it typically takes three to five years to deal with the aftermath of a divorce. Nearly everyone who divorces experiences a reduction in standard of living. Divorced people also have an increased risk of depression, eating disorders, anxiety and alcohol/drug abuse. Eighty percent of all divorced people remarry, usually within two to four years after divorcing. About 60 percent of remarriages also end in divorce.

How well one adjusts to a divorce may impact the success of any future relationships. Making a positive adjustment to a divorce includes making peace with your ex-spouse and recognizing your own role in the end of the marriage. Finding a balance between being a single parent and meeting personal or individual goals is also important. Finally, the ability to focus on the future and your life today rather than getting stuck in the past can be a critical element in being able to move forward toward a new life and new beginning.


Characteristics
Although there are a wide variety of possible characteristics that might develop in an individual response to divorce, here are some that might be seen:
Physically, you may experience stress-related symptoms, such as decreased sexual desire, fatigue and low energy levels. You may also notice more minor illnesses, especially if you don't take adequate care of yourself.

Psychologically, you may feel resentful, bitter, self-righteous, jealous or shameful. You may experience denial. You may have unrealistic expectations of yourself and/or others, as well as a lack of trust. A cynical attitude may also develop, whether it's toward the opposite sex or institutions, such as marriage, religion, the courts, the legal system or society in general. You may feel abandoned or actually want to be left alone.

Socially, you may feel an inability to let go. You may have increased tardiness or absences from work. Passive-aggressive behavior and tearfulness are also common.

Sometimes divorce can be more than you are able to handle at the time. Symptoms such as sleep disturbances, decreased energy, changes in appetite, anxiety, depression, inability to concentrate and hopelessness may warrant further evaluation by a health care professional.

As with all physical symptoms, consult your medical health care provider to rule out a medical condition. If these or any other symptoms cause you distress that doesn't seem to improve, seek additional help and support from a mental health care professional.


Coping strategies
Undoubtedly, going through a divorce can be very stressful. As you're making the adjustment, keep the following suggestions in mind:
Expect cycling emotions. You may experience a cycle of emotions ranging from anger, grief, loneliness, relief, ambivalence, independence, fear or guilt. All of these feelings are normal.

Acknowledge your losses. After a separation or divorce, feelings of grief and loss are common. Take the time to deal with these feelings. If children are involved, remember they're also dealing with their own feelings of loss.

Look at the positive side. Consider some advantages to being single, such as independence, time to pursue your own interests and the opportunity to cultivate current or past friendships.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. Allow for plenty of rest and "down time," and make sure your expectations are reasonable. If you're a parent, taking good care of yourself will set an excellent example for your children to do the same.

Don't overdo it. Instead, look for ways to simplify your life. If possible, avoid making any major decisions during or immediately after a divorce, such as a job change or remarriage.

Prepare for a long haul. Recovering from a divorce, especially when children are involved, nearly always takes longer than expected.

Establish new traditions and rituals, whether as an individual or a family. Focus on what's most important and, if you're a parent, involve your children in the decision making.

Sharpen your "life skills." Learn stress and time management techniques, as well as effective communication and conflict resolution skills.

Seek additional support as necessary. Depending on the circumstances, consider individual or family counseling, mediation, divorce education programs, support groups, and legal or financial consultation. Rely on friends for support and affirmation. Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.


Summary
As you're going though a separation or divorce, you may feel as though your life is upside down and inside out. But take heart -- it's only one chapter in your life. Day by day, you may emerge from the experience as a stronger, healthier person.