Cycle of domestic violence

The cycle of domestic violence is commonly described as having three phases. Each of these phases addresses thought and behavior patterns that may be present during episodes of domestic abuse. It's important to note that not all domestic abuse experiences include these stages, however.

In the first phase, known as tension building, the abuse begins subtly with efforts by the abuser to control the other person and break down his or her self-esteem. These efforts often escalate to threats, intimidation, social isolation, emotional abuse or minor violent incidents the abused person may minimize or dismiss. The abused person often "walks on eggshells" and may be anxious to avoid any violence.

The second phase is characterized by an acute battering incident in which the abuser releases the mounting tension through uncontrolled and unpredictable violence. The battering may be triggered by an external event or something internal for the abuser. The abuser typically accepts that his or her rage is out of control, and begins by wanting to teach his or her target a lesson. Both people often respond to the violence or destruction with shock, denial and disbelief. The abused person may doubt his or her own sense of reality by thinking, "Maybe I'm the one with a problem."

During the third stage, known as the seduction or honeymoon phase, the abuser may attempt to win back the abused person with extravagant gifts, romantic gestures, or contrite or apparently sincere apologies. The abuser's efforts are often motivated by feelings of remorse, guilt, loneliness, fear of abandonment or fear of reprisal by others. The abused person may feel relieved, lonely or repressed rage. The abused person may feel guilty if he or she has left the abuser. Once the victim has been "won back," the abuser typically resumes efforts to control the victim, setting the stage for further tension building.