Stress-management techniques

Stress is a nearly universal experience. Sharpening certain skills can play a major role in how well you cope with stress. Consider the importance of the following skills to help you cope with internal and external concerns.


Automatic thoughts
An automatic thought is your immediate interpretation of an event. Automatic thoughts occur spontaneously and without discretion. When you're exploring the impact of automatic thoughts on your stress level, ask yourself the following questions:

What is the evidence for or against a particular automatic thought?

Define the terms clearly. If you think of yourself as "stupid" or a "failure," what do you mean? Do you have facts to support this notion? Is there evidence disputing this notion?

Get the facts. If your automatic thought is that you're doing a bad job at work, gather as much supporting data as possible. For example, what types of evaluations have you received? Are you performing adequately in any way? Use this objective information to evaluate your situation.

Think back. Have you always reacted this way? Was there a time when your automatic thought would have been different?

Set up a test. Plan an activity and test your anticipated automatic thought. Compare what actually happened with your prediction.
Is there another way of looking at the situation?

Review responsibility. Identify all the factors that may have had an influence on the situation.

Look for other interpretations of the situation.

Consider various possible outcomes. Instead of thinking, "I could never talk to my husband about this," try, "I've never discussed this before. Maybe things would improve if I tried something different." Don't stay locked into one possible outcome, especially a negative one.

Consider the situation from another perspective. What would you say to a friend in the same position? Are you holding yourself to a more rigid standard?
If your automatic thought is true, what are the implications?

Estimate the probabilities. What are the chances of the feared event happening? Try to be realistic. If possible, gather evidence.

Look at the situation objectively. What will happen if the feared event takes place? Have you predicted disaster in the past and it turned out to be not so bad?

Put the situation in perspective. How important is the situation in the overall context of your life? How important will it be in two, five or 10 years?

Review your abilities and resources. How have you coped in the past? Are there other people who can help you in some way? Make an action plan and put it on paper.

Positive self-talk
Because thoughts, feelings and behavior influence each other to create your perception of the quality of your life, it can be helpful to identify negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk. Consider the following suggestions:
Practice positive reflection and preparation. Consider a time when you experienced positive stress. What were your thoughts, feelings and physical sensations? How did the positive stress help you?

Identify and label negative self-talk. For example, if you're thinking, "That driver is an idiot and is making me late," what thoughts, sensations and feelings are associated with the negative message?

Interrupt negative self-talk through thought stopping. Shut your eyes and imagine the word "stop" or a stop sign for 10 seconds.

Replace the negative message with a positive statement or affirmation. Repeat the message slowly and continuously while affirming the reality of your feelings. For example, acknowledge that the traffic is extremely frustrating, but there are things you can't control, such as speed. State your intended next action, such as, "I think I'll turn on the radio."


Distorted thinking
Cognitive distortions are unhealthy thoughts and belief patterns common in people who have anxiety. Such thoughts tend to amplify feelings of stress. For example:
Catastrophic thinking is the tendency to dwell on the most extreme negative consequences conceivable. For example, a person who has a specific phobia may expect disaster in the form of physical harm when faced with a specific situation or object. A person who has social phobia may expect a more personal disaster in the form of humiliation or embarrassment. A person who has agoraphobia may expect a vague, global disaster as a consequence of his or her own internal experience of anxiety or panic attacks.

Personalization is reacting to an external event as if it's personally relevant or an indication of potential personal danger.

Minimization is focusing on aspects of a situation that might be considered dangerous while minimizing or ignoring other aspects of the situation.

Selective abstraction is focusing on the threatening elements of a situation and ignoring the context.

Arbitrary inference is jumping to dire conclusions on the basis of little or no data. For example, a person might assume that any unusual sensation must be a heart attack or any turbulence must mean the airplane will crash.

Overgeneralization is viewing a time-limited situation as lasting forever or assuming that a particular problem is bound to recur frequently. For example, "This panic attack will never end" or, "Even if I quit smoking now, I'll probably start up again." Overgeneralizing also includes thinking a particular situation is actually dangerous when that's not likely. For example, "There's a light snow outside, but I better drive home now in case it turns into a blizzard!"


Time-management skills
To improve your time-management skills, clarify your values and goals. Create specific written goals that are realistic and measurable. Make sure deadlines are agreed upon by everyone involved. Then, take the time to plan and assign priorities. This is often best done in the morning or before your day begins. Plan for interruptions and learn to control them to give full attention to your priorities. Delegate and say "no" to additional projects as much as possible. If necessary, shift your priorities in response to a crisis. It's also helpful to match tasks with your energy level. Take time to reflect on your day, and remember the importance of self-discipline.
Just as you would set priorities at work, make a list of the things that matter most to you about your family relationships and children's development as well. Then, set related goals. For example, perhaps you want to spend uninterrupted quality time with your spouse, teach your daughter to play baseball, or help your son prepare for the school play. Once your goals are clear, make an action plan for achieving these goals. This may be as simple as scheduling "appointments" with your family members. Schedule a daily or weekly date with your partner or spouse, and plan time for activities with your children -- fun outings or even time to do household chores together. At the end of each day, you may want to set aside time to debrief with each other as well.

When work and family demands conflict, re-visit priorities and decide which demand takes the higher priority. If it's work, try to reschedule (but not indefinitely postpone) whatever was scheduled with your family. Be proactive in communicating with your partner or spouse about your time demands at work. Don't wait until the last minute to tell your family about changes in your schedule, such as having to work late, travel out of town, or work an extra day during the weekend.


Conflict-resolution skills
When you're thinking about conflict resolution, remember that conflict can be positive. Working through conflict can strengthen relationships, and constructive arguments can clarify issues and emphasize what's important. In fact, avoiding conflict is often more destructive than facing it and can sometimes create "counterfeit" relationships. Not every conflict needs to be resolved, especially when individual values are involved. Agreeing to disagree sometimes has merits.
To keep conflict positive and avoid unnecessary hurt, keep the following rules for "fighting fair" in mind:

Recognize and name the problem or area of conflict. Stay focused on the issue at hand and don't dredge up "old hurts." Separate your acceptance of the other person from your acceptance of the behavior. Affirm your loyalty to the relationship and express appreciation for positive behaviors.

Pick an appropriate time and place to have a discussion. Avoid trying to resolve conflicts when one of the parties involved is tired, upset, hungry or pressed for time. A family dinner is generally not a good forum for these types of discussions.

Make it a priority to be respectful of each other. Avoid name calling and be aware of your differences. Don't rub it in if the other person apologizes or acknowledges fault. Identify and admit to your "part" or contribution to the problem.

Communicate your needs and expectations clearly. For example, "I would really find it helpful if you could take the clothes out of the washer while I get dinner ready." Don't try to "win" the argument. Instead, look for "win/win" solutions.

Be willing to compromise. Work together to come up with possible solutions, and jointly decide on a path to try. State what each person is responsible for doing or changing and hold each other accountable. Implement the new behavior or plan.

Pick your battles. They all take energy -- spending too much on something minor will only drain you.

Deep breathing
Anxiety is often characterized by quick, shallow breathing or hyperventilating. To counteract this process, pace your breathing -- about 15 to 18 breaths per minute. When the first sensation of panic occurs, exhale from your mouth while counting slowly. This will open up your lungs and provide plenty of room for you to take a deep breath. Then, breathe in while counting slowly. You may want to inhale through your nose, which will also help slow down your breathing. To prevent hyperventilating, take longer to exhale than inhale.
As a general rule, keep in mind that deep abdominal breathing is an easy way to decrease tension and anxiety. To increase awareness of your own breathing patterns, put one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen. The hand on your abdomen should move up each time you breathe in.


Meditation
Meditation is a technique that allows you to focus and reflect on a single thought to decrease stress and increase relaxation. It's often best to choose a quiet time or place to meditate. Although many people meditate while sitting, some people meditate while walking, commuting on the bus or doing routine household tasks. When you're ready, get comfortable and try to empty your mind. Then, focus on a single thought, a simple affirmation or deep breathing. Your mind may stray at first, but refocus on the thought, affirmation or breathing. Then, repeat the reflection. The goal is to create an "automatic recall" of that peaceful state during stressful times. Practicing when you're relaxed is often a good way to reinforce the skill.

Visualization
Visualization is another stress-reduction technique that works much like meditation. To start, find a comfortable, relaxed position. Then, imagine a peaceful, relaxing scene. It may be a fond memory or something you've made up your own. Consider the colors, smells, sounds and feelings of the scene. Describe the scene to yourself, and take another look to etch it in your mind. Return to the scene often to reinforce how it makes you feel. When you're stressed, call up the image in your mind.