Self-esteem

Self-esteem refers to the attitude you develop about yourself and your capacity to see yourself as likeable and worthy of respect. Self-esteem includes what you think or believe about yourself -- such as "I'm smart" or "I'm unsophisticated" -- as well as what you feel about yourself based on those thoughts -- such as "I'm pleased" or "I'm disgusted."

The enduring attitude you take toward yourself is known as trait self-esteem. It's often based on early childhood experiences of self-worth or lack thereof. The attitude you take toward yourself at any given point in time is known as state self-esteem. This measure of self-esteem can change depending on external circumstances or internal events.

Self-handicapping is a common strategy related to self-esteem. People who develop self-handicapping attitudes often underestimate their abilities to help explain potential failures or inadequacies. For example, "I know I'll do poorly on the test because I'm just not good with standardized tests." If you don't perform well, this reasoning provides an alternative explanation to "I'm not smart enough." Of course, if you do well on the test, you may experience a boost in self-esteem because you performed well in spite of the perceived handicap.


Contributing factors
Various factors contribute to self-esteem. For example:
How you define yourself in terms of family or career roles, as well as direct or indirect messages you've received about your worth as an individual, directly shapes your self-esteem.

Discrepancies between your perception of yourself and what you want or feel you should be can also play a role.

The extent to which you meet the expectations of certain developmental stages during your life can also help shape your self-esteem. For example, how well you learn to separate from your parents and develop your own identity during adolescence can have a lasting impact on your self-esteem.

Being acknowledged by others, associating yourself with groups you admire, and cultivating a sense of belonging can have a positive influence on your self-esteem throughout life.

Characteristics
Physically, low self-esteem may be associated with stress-associated complaints such as headaches and tense muscles.
Psychologically, people who have low self-esteem are often envious of others and feel fearful or inferior. They may not identify positive attributes about themselves. They're more likely to experience depression and anxiety.

Socially, they may avoid people, places or situations they associate with high status. People who have low self-esteem often lack assertiveness and strive to please everyone. They may even tolerate abuse or other mistreatment by others.

Perhaps surprisingly, some people who have low self-esteem become arrogant, self-centered and critical of others. They may require excessive admiration from others and seem to lack empathy. They may be defensive and less receptive to suggestions from others.

On the flip side, people who have high self-esteem are more likely to adapt well to change and remain resilient in the face of adversity. They're more likely to view failures and setbacks as opportunities to improve or start over, rather than consider them a measure of self-worth. They're also able to look at their shortcomings and weaknesses objectively, not generalizing their failures as personal reflections on themselves.

Sometimes problems with self-esteem can be more than you're able to handle. Symptoms such as sleep disturbances, decreased energy, changes in appetite, anxiety, depression, inability to concentrate and hopelessness may warrant further evaluation by a health care professional.

As with all physical symptoms, consult your doctor to rule out a medical condition. If these or any other symptoms cause you distress that doesn't seem to improve, seek additional support from a mental health professional.


Coping strategies
Consider these simple suggestions to enhance your self-esteem:
Don't automatically accept negative messages about yourself. Actively challenge irrational negative messages about yourself. Replace them with positive self-affirmations, such as, "I am worthy of love and respect."

Develop an internal source of control. Take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions -- don't allow others to determine these for you. Avoid basing your self-esteem on external factors, such as a job, relationship, financial status or someone else's approval.

Change your attitude about failures. Even the most successful people experience occasional setbacks and failures. Consider failures an opportunity to learn from your mistakes. Remember, failures are not necessarily comments on your character.

Learn to enhance someone else's self-esteem:

Provide unconditional positive regard. Don't make your relationship with anyone dependent on the other person achieving certain goals or attributes or behaving or feeling a certain way.

Provide positive feedback. Tell the person what positive personality characteristics or behaviors you admire in them.

Give conscientious criticism. When criticizing another person's behavior, focus on the behavior -- not the person's personality or character.

Listen actively. Validate the other person's feelings, even if you don't necessarily agree with the way he or she feels about a particular issue. For example, "I disagree with you, but I respect your right to think and feel as you do."

Give some breathing space. Offer feedback when appropriate, but allow the other person to make his or her own decisions. Be supportive of those choices.

Finally, help enhance your child's self-esteem:

Provide unconditional love. Don't make your affection dependent on your child's achievements, behavior or feelings. Allow your child to discover and develop his or her own abilities. Avoid the temptation to impose your own talents, abilities or preferences on your child.

Offer opportunities for independence. Don't make your affection dependent on your child's achievements, behavior or feelings. Allow your child to discover and develop his or her own abilities. Avoid the temptation to impose your own talents, abilities or preferences on your child.

Acknowledge and validate your child's emotions. Your child has the right to his or her feelings, whatever they may be. Younger kids may need help identifying the words to express how they're feeling.

Catch your child being good. Let your child know how proud you are of him or her for sharing or showing kindness to others.

Use discipline to teach proper behavior and the consequences of improper behavior. Don't use discipline as an outlet for your own anger or a way to shame your child.