Balancing work and family

Overview
Life today can be both complex and challenging. Most of us juggle competing demands for our time, energy and attention. From employers who expect performance "above and beyond the call of duty" to families with loaded activity calendars, not to mention your own goals for personal and professional growth, the pace can sometimes be exhausting and overwhelming.
Various factors can upset the balance between work and family. Conflict can arise when work interferes with family life, such as late meetings or working long hours. Conflict can also arise when family life interferes with work demands, such as taking time off to care for a sick child or elderly parent. Research has indicated that the relationship between work and family is bidirectional: work impacts family and family impacts work.

For some people, child care arrangements or flexibility can be problematic. For others, outside demands such as taking classes, caring for an elderly parent or struggling to make ends meet are an issue. You may feel the impact of your work culture in regard to policies, flexibility and support for families. Your family structure and family life stages may also affect the balance. For example, the demands of raising a child will change as the child grows older. "Family-friendly" workplaces have yet to prove a benefit to the bottom line, so a proactive and creative approach is often needed to address these types of issues.

Growing families tend to have a different impact on the working hours of mothers and fathers. As the number of children in the household increases, the number of hours women work outside the home tends to decrease, and the number of hours men work outside the home tends to increase. Men who have nontraditional parenting attitudes tend to work fewer hours outside the home than men who have more traditional parenting attitudes.

Many issues of ethnicity and culture may also impact the balance between work and family, such as gender roles, work ethic, family values or financial beliefs. You may need to address any resulting health issues through an employee-assistance program, your family doctor or a mental health professional.


Characteristics of life balance stress
Physically, you may be tense and fatigued. You may develop headaches and notice changes in your sleeping and eating patterns.
Psychologically, you may feel overwhelmed. Mental or emotional fatigue may set in. You may feel trapped by economic demands or that your life is out of control. Anger and guilt are also common. You may be stressed by conflicting goals and expectations of your multiple roles.

Socially, you may isolate yourself, miss more days at work or experience increased conflict with others. You may become irritable and have difficulty concentrating. Procrastination and difficulty dealing with multiple demands or prioritizing are also common.

Sometimes work- and family-balance issues can be more than you are able to handle at the time. Symptoms such as sleep disturbances, decreased energy, changes in appetite, anxiety, depression, inability to concentrate and hopelessness may warrant further evaluation by a health care professional.

As with all physical symptoms, consult your health care provider to rule out a medical illness. If these or any other symptoms are causing you distress that doesn't seem to improve, seek additional help and support from a professional.


Coping strategies
To strike more of a balance in your life, consider the following suggestions for both work and home.
Redefine the conflict. View work and personal life as complementary -- not conflicting -- priorities.

Clarify your values and goals. Consider those that may be in conflict between your home and work settings, as well as those that seem to balance each other. At work, make sure your goals are concrete, realistic and agreed upon by everyone involved. At home, make a list and rank the things that matter most to you about your family. Then make an action plan for nurturing or achieving those items. For example, you may want to spend uninterrupted quality time with your spouse or help your child prepare for the school play.

Identify the skills you use at home and work, such as setting goals, making decisions, nurturing, motivating, scheduling, being assertive, communicating well or budgeting. Explore how you might use these skills in other settings. For example, are you using the excellent communication skills that serve you in the boardroom to express your needs and ideas at home? It may also be helpful to hone your stress-management skills.

Adjust your expectations and set priorities. Learn to share and delegate responsibilities, communicate your needs clearly and say "no" as necessary. Both at home and on the job, be prepared to control interruptions and shift priorities in response to crises.

Take good care of yourself. Eat healthfully, get regular exercise, and try relaxation or meditation. Spend time enjoying your friends, hobbies and downtime. Match your tasks with your current energy level, and seek additional support through friends or a support or educational group (such as a parenting class). If necessary, you may want to consult a counselor for additional support and clarification of your values and life goals. Couples, family or career counseling may also be helpful.

Communicate proactively. Discuss work demands to help your family understand the pressures you're facing. You may want to schedule quality time to debrief with your partner or family every day. If you must work late or reschedule a family activity, give your family as much notice as possible. Likewise, share your top family priorities, such as attending your child's soccer games, with your supervisor.

When work and family demands conflict, revisit your priorities. Whatever your decision, be creative in your approach to solving problems.

Time-management skills for work
On the job, clarify your values and goals. When you create goals, make sure they're specific, measurable, realistic and agreed upon by others as appropriate. Document your goals in writing with a step-by-step action plan and appropriate deadlines.

Set aside time for planning and assigning priorities. Pursue your priorities with persistence, but be ready to shift gears if necessary. Remind family members and colleagues of your priorities. It's also a good idea to help your supervisor understand your commitments, priorities, family values and time concerns.

Every day, match the tasks before you with your current energy level. Control and plan for interruptions by delegating appropriate tasks, concentrating on the task at hand, and saying "no" when necessary. Remember, until you're able to say "no," you're not able to honestly say "yes."

Time-management skills for home
At home, set priorities by making a list of the things that matter most to you. Consider personal relationships and, if you're a parent, your children's development. You may want to set goals for family relationships. For example, you may want to spend uninterrupted quality time with your spouse or partner every evening, help your daughter improve her backhand, or help your son prepare for the school play. Make an action plan for achieving these goals just as you would for work-related goals.

When work and family demands conflict, examine your priorities. If the work demand is a higher priority, attempt to reschedule (but not indefinitely postpone) whatever you had planned to do with your family. Be proactive in communicating with your partner about your time demands at work. Do not wait until the last minute to tell your family you must work late or work an extra day during the weekend.


Summary
Remember to breathe! Give yourself credit for all that you do and for all the ways you are managing successfully. Remember that change takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you make the adjustments that will help you gain or regain a sense of balance and harmony in your life.